NOELLE EMMY HALLIWELL

[noellehalliwell]

i18.photobucket.com/albums/b136/maybe_ill_catch_fire_/icons/NatalieMiniature.jpg
[/img]

• Noelle EMMY Halliwell•

• ABOUT THE PLAYER •
NOT REQUIRED, SUGGESTED

NAME/ALIAS:NOELLE HOFFMAN
AGE:17
GENDER:FEMALE
RP EXPERIENCE:2 WEEKS
TIME ZONE:EASTERN
HOW DID YOU FIND US?A LEDGEND HOGWARTS

• GENERAL •
REQUIRED

NAME:Noelle Emmy Halliwell [NICKNAME(S): Elle
DATE OF BIRTH: June 14thAGE:[17]
GENDER:female
LINEAGE:half-blood part witch/veela and vampire
OCCUPATION/YEAR: no job yet but im year 7
HOUSE:Hufflepuff
CANON?none

• GENERAL •
NOT REQUIRED, PREFERRED

WAND: (NONE)
BROOM: (NONE)
PET(S): (A UNICORN NAMED CHARLOTTE)

BOGGART: (CLOWNS,NOELLE WAS AT A CIRCUS AND A CLOWN BEAT UP HER DAD.)
AMORTENTIA: (VANILLA IT REMINDS HER OF ICE-CREAM.)
DEMENTOR: (NONE)

• APPEARANCE •
REQUIRED

CELEBRITY CLAIM: NATALIE PORTMAN)

[/i]
HAIR COLOR:BRUNETTE
EYE COLOR:BROWN GREY
HEIGHT:5'9
WEIGHT:134


DETAILED:

MY CHARACTER IS NORMAL WEIGHT.NOELLE IS A VEGAN AND SHE ATS HEALTHY.NOELLE IS NOT UNDERWEIGHT ALTHOUGH SOMEPEOPLE SAY SHES LOOKS LIKE IT.HER HAIR IS VERY NICE AND SHE DOES NOT REALLY PLAY AROUND WITH IT.HER NECKLACE IS BOHO HIPPIE.HER SHIRT IS VERY FLOWYLY AND HIPPIE.NOELLE REALLY DOES NOT CARE HOW SHE LOOKS.
NOELLES FEET ARE NORMAL SIZE NOELLE'S FEET ARE A SIZ 10 AND SHE LOVES THEM.NOELLE'S HAIR IS BRUNETTE AND PRETTY WAVY WITH NATURAL BLOND HIGHLIGHTS.NOELLE HAS NO OTHER ACCSEROIRIES.NOELLE OVERALL LOOKS VERY PRETTY AND HAS A NICE LOOK.

• PERSONALITY •
REQUIRED

LIKES: (5+)

• WANDLES MAGIC
  
• ANIMALS
  
• BOOKS
  
• ART
  
• SKIING
  

DISLIKES: (5+)

• VANITY
  
• PRIDE
  
• GLUTTONY
  
• SMALL-MINDED PEOPLE
  
• OVER ALL MEAN PEOPLE
  

STRENGTHS: (5+)

• YOGA
  
• WRITING
  
• DRAWING
  
• PAINTING
  
• FAMILY
  

WEAKNESSES: (5+)

• BROKEN PROMISES
  
• MEAN PEOPLE
  
• HUNGRY PEOPLE
  
• FAMILY DYING
  
• 
  

DETAILED: (3+ paragraphs)

• HISTORY •
REQUIRED

(for the following family members, fill it out according. if you only have one sibling or two, please delete the extra spaces i put in the application so that there is no more text than there needs to be. if your character is not married and has no children, please take those bullets off.)

FAMILY:

• FATHER: TOGA VANHALSING (43, HALF-BLOOD VAMPIRE AND VEELA, DRAGON MASTOR)
  
• MOTHER: PRUE HALLIWELL (37, PURE-BLOOD WITCH, AROUR)
  
• SIBLINGS: MELICCA HALLIWELL(13, SAME AS ME, NONE/RAVENCLAW/
  
  
• OTHER: GREAT-GREAT AUNT FRANCESCA HALLIWELL (567, MUGGLE-BORN, DRAGON MASTER)
  

DETAILED: (NOELLE GREW UP IN SALEM MASSACHUSETTS.NOELLE WAS BORN JUNE 14TH,TO TOGA AND PRUE HALLIWELL.NOELLE'S GREAT-GREAT AUNT FRANCESCA IS 567 THEY JUST CALL HER GREA-GREAT AUNT FRANCESCA.
NOELLE IS FROM A VERY POWERFUL FAMILY OF MAGICAL BEINGS AND THEY HAVE FOUGHT AND KILLED THE EVIL EMPEROR SPCROPIUS.NOELLE'S FAMILY ARE DESCENDENTS FROM DUBLIN,IRELAND.NOELLE IS A VERY YOUNG GIRL WHO HAS HELPED VANQUISH MANY DEMONS AND HAS GONE DOWN IN MAGICAL HISTORY.)

• ROLE-PLAY •
REQUIRED

OTHER CHARACTERS?NOT YET
IF SO, WHO?I DONT KNOW

SAMPLE: (NOELLE SITS UNDERNEATH THE TREES NEAR HERBIOLOGY CLASS AND SQUINTS HER EYES AS SHE STARES INTO THE SON.NOELLE WONDERS IF JAMES POTTER IS STILL HER FRIEND AFTER THTA ARGUMENT THEY HAD.NOELLE THEN TRYS TO THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE THAN JAMES POTTER.
NOELLE SEES SEVERUS SNAPE COME HER WAY.THAT WAS STRANGE SNAPE HAS ALWAYS HATED HER.EVER SINCE NOELLE SAID NO TO HIM TO BE HIS DATE AT THE ANNUAL YULE BALL.IWONDER WHAT HE WANTS,NOELLE MUMBLED TO HERSELF. )

[• QUEEN OF HEARTS •]

I would first like to welcome you to the site and thank you for taking time to fill out the application. I really do appreciate it. I do, however, have a few problems with your application.

• CODING! Please go back and fix the coding of the application. A lot of the sizing codes are not working; some of the bolding codes are not working either. The image URL goes on the INSIDE of the [*img]

[/img] tags. It may be a good idea if you go back and copy the code again and fill it out.

Also, please go back and read the instructions for the application. It's the first post, and it's in font size FIVE, so you should be able to see it. If you can't, I'll suggest that you purchase a pair of strong glasses or contacts.

[/li][li] ALL CAPS! Please do not put all of your application in caps. Just because I put the sections in capitals does not mean that everything needs to be in capitalization. Please put things in sentence form so that I can easily read it and make sure you are following syntax and other important things.

[/li][li] SPACING! In English class, you probably use regular format: tab, only hit enter one time. On Proboard sites, you cannot use tab because it won't tab over for you. To distinguish between one paragraph and another, we hit the enter button two times to leave a decent amount of space between each paragraph. Please do this when you are posting.

[/li][li] LENGTH! I went easy when I did this application. Usually I require four or more paragraphs in each section. For this application, however, I only requested two or three. You gave the required amount, technically speaking, but it is still lagging in several sentences.A paragraph is roughly five sentences minimum. This means that two paragraphs would be ten sentences or more. Please add length to your appearance, history, and role-play sample.

[/li][li] TENSE! Third-person point-of-view, past tense. There should be no "my character..." or "I..." in your application, unless you are posting in the OOC section of it. Please change this so it matches.

[/li][li] MARAUDER FRIENDS! I doubt your character would be too good of friends with James Potter since he has Remus, Sirius, and Peter as friends. He is also out for Lily. Other that, he's sort of an outcast.

[/li][li] VARIATION AND STRUCTURE! You use a lot of simple sentences and simple sentence structures. You fail to place commas and other punctuation where necessary, with the exception of periods and some apostrophes. Please vary your sentence types to compound and complex sentences. It makes your role-plays much more interesting to read, rather than just using simple sentences.

[/li][li] TYPOS! I know that we all have typos occasionally and misspell a few words here and there. There is a spell check at the bottom of the posting box, and you are able to use it at your own free will. I skimmed your application (I didn't read it because it was in all capitals), and I saw a few typos (example: ats instead of eats). Please go through your application and make corrections to the misspellings and typos.

Also, watch out for homophones. These are words that sound alike but are spelled different. (examples: to, too, and two; there, their, and they're).

[/li][li] RESTRICTIONS! Half-witch-veela-vampire? I've never heard of such a combination. Inside the restrictions thread, I believe that I specified qualifications to earn such privileges (at least I think I did). Unforunately, you did not meet those particular qualifications. Please chance her lineage to something normal: pureblood, half-blood, or Muggleborn.

[/li][li] CONTENT! Your character is descended from...who? One of the Halliwell sisters from Charmed and someone from Van Helsing... I don't know if you noticed, but we are a HARRY POTTER role-play forum, not Charmed or Van Helsing. If you want to role-play in either of those categories, you will need to find a site that role-plays one or the other. I would prefer that you not bring characters or descendents of characters from another show/book/movie. That said: dragon masters don't really exist in Harry Potter either.

Your appearance and history are irrelevant to your character for the most part. You mention a few important details, but nothing that I can really expand upon to get an idea of your character. You need to make me visually see your character and learn about your character. Imagery is an important part of role-playing; failure to include that in profiles and posts makes it very hard to find anyone that will be willing to role-play with you. Since your personality is nonexistent, I really can't expand on that and tell you what needs to be edited.

[/li][li] MARY SUE! I don't like Mary Sue, but she seems to love everyone. Your character, being brought from several other storylines and realms, is going to be seen as Mary Sue. Sure, some aspects of your character are not Mary Sue, but about ninety-five percent of them are.

[/li][li] CELEB CLAIM! You cannot claim a celebrity until your application has an "ACCEPTED!" post and your profile has been changed to say what house you are in and the year. I will not be able to add your claim to the list until your profile has been accepted.[/li][/ul]

You now have two options:

(1) Redo your entire application to make it match the site requirements. I will help you if you want the help.,

(2) Leave the site and not worry about editing your application. Your application will be moved to the archives; your account deleted.

The choice is yours. Please post back in this thread with what your decision is. Until then, your application is DENIED.[/size][/blockquote]

[noellehalliwell]

im refixing it and iam tiring my best though it may not come out perfect but i tired.